Supplication or petition is the last form of prayer in worship. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says:

2629 The vocabulary of supplication in the New Testament is rich in shades of meaning: ask, beseech, plead, invoke, entreat, cry out, even “struggle in prayer.” Its most usual form, because the most spontaneous, is petition: by prayer of petition we express awareness of our relationship with God. We are creatures who are not our own beginning, not the masters of adversity, not our own last end. We are sinners who as Christians know that we have turned away from our Father. Our petition is already a turning back to him.

There is a hierarchy of petitions in prayer. We only need to look at the Lord’s Prayer that Jesus taught us. In the Our Father, all petitions are subject to the glory of His name. Every thing we ask for must be for hastening the coming of His kingdom and in accordance to His will – our daily bread, forgiveness, guidance from temptation and deliverance from evil. Whatever we ask for, we ask with the mindset that it is not for our own end but for His greater glory, that ultimately His will be done, as Jesus exemplified when He prayed in Gethsemane to be spared from the suffering and death that were laid out for Him, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.” (Matthew 26:39 NASB)

Every petition can be an offering of thanksgiving and praise at the same time because we ask in faith and in hope (more than optimism) and faith is confident assurance of things hoped for (Hebrews 11:1). It is a hope that does not disappoint (Romans 5:5). So, there is cause for joy, thanksgiving and praise even if the things we ask for are still unseen.

So, where does praise fit in the “acts” of worship? Praise is in the beginning, middle and end of every worship. It is the cord that binds all our prayers together and reaches God. It is only natural that in charismatic worship, we spontaneously praise God before, during and after each song or prayer. The Catechism of the Catholic Church explains:

2639 …Praise embraces the other forms of prayer and carries them toward him who is its source and goal: the “one God, the Father, from whom are all things and for whom we exist.” (1 Corinthians 8:6)

Praise God!

MORE THAN OKAY
Richard Velasquez

Most of the conversion stories we hear involve dramatic, 180° turnarounds with tearful moments of supernatural revelation. Though mine might be quieter and not quite as full of drama, I deem myself converted nonetheless.

To begin with, I’ve always thought my life was okay. My mom is healthy, happily enjoying life as a senior citizen. My siblings have blossoming careers and family lives as well. Though my dad passed away when I was 18, I’ve since been able to heal and cope with the loss. Life at home was peaceful, happy, healthy.

In terms of career, I’ve been working for the same company for more than 9 years. I’m very comfortable where I am as far as job description and benefits are concerned. And while things could be better (the grass IS always greener, even just a little bit), seeing the whole picture, I cannot complain.

Socially, I’ve accumulated quite a roster of friends over the years, and even have a circle of my closest friends whom I am confident will be there for me no matter what. I’m being honest when I say that I don’t mind being single at all—I find I’m perfectly content with the time I spend with my family and friends.

In the spirituality department, I was already doing more than weekly Sunday mass by promising to attend a retreat every 2 years. This commitment of mine was my way of ensuring that this part of me also stayed “okay,” as with everything else in my life. It was my spiritual obligation, similar to having an annual physical exam.

I made efforts to ensure that all the different aspects of my life were okay, and I basically approached everything in my life in the same rational, level-headed manner. I’ve always lived by the principle that “If it makes sense, it’s should be okay.” It’s okay to party hard, as long as you’ve worked hard, too. It’s okay to spend money on foolishly extravagant things, as long as it’s your money you’re spending. I even used this approach when rationalizing my sins before God. Hey, I don’t engage in pre-marital sex, so watching pornography should be okay. This person has a lot of irritating habits, it’s like she’s asking for it, making fun of her behind her back is okay. In my head, it all made sense. And if it made sense, it was all okay.

Similarly, if something didn’t make sense, I would exert as much energy as possible to argue, fight and complain over every detail. I would complain at poor customer service in restaurants. I would honk my horn at slow cars driving along the highway. I would bitch around whenever people were late. I’d raise hell every time things didn’t make sense to me. If I didn’t see the point to it, I’d make sure everyone else around me did. “Okay” was all I needed to get by. As long as I didn’t have to live with less, I never had to give more. Attending the Road to Damascus retreat, I didn’t really have any great expectations. I saw it merely as my bi-yearly spirituality check-up, confident that I would come out of it with a clean bill of health—yup, Richard’s spirit, still okay! I definitely got more than I bargained for.

During the course of the retreat, I had a lot of realizations. My biggest realization was that for the longest time, I had underestimated GOD’s love for me. Countless times, I hadn’t recognized God’s presence or His hand working in my life. Despite my commitment to attend retreats every so often, I was living my life completely separated from Him. I knew He existed, but I never really paid attention to Him—what He would have to say about my actions, how they would make Him feel. I had received so many blessings, but I never really saw them as coming from Him. God had no place in my “okay” life; all this time, I had let in only the idea of Him.

This love of God that I felt that weekend was so overwhelming, I found myself giddy-excited over it. It’s much like that moment when you find out that your crush likes you too—it changes everything, right? All of a sudden, you’re conscious over every word and gesture. Everything suddenly means something. That’s how I felt after the retreat—everywhere I looked, God was there, and He was talking to me.

After the weekend was over, I didn’t feel like I’d had enough. I felt that I wanted more. I wanted to know God more. I was like a teenager with a huge crush on a celebrity. I wanted to “stalk” God, visit His Facebook page, follow Him on Twitter. I wanted to know His likes and dislikes. I wanted to know him personally, to be close to HIM.

And so, going well beyond my previous bi-yearly retreat commitment, I started attending weekly prayer meetings and bible reflections. And in this process of my “stalking” God (I like to think I’m now His biggest fan), I began to notice small changes in me (this is still a conversion story, after all). I think I am now more aware of His presence all around me. To give you a concrete example, a couple of months ago I experienced a series of seemingly unfortunate events. November 1, I had a very bad customer service experience in a Department Store. I had bought a very small chair and after 40 minutes of waiting, my chair was still not ready for pick-up. For me, it didn’t make sense to let the customer wait for 40 minutes for a single, small foldable chair. November 2, I found out that a friend was just “friends” with me because I always treated him every time we’d go out. Again, it didn’t make sense to me that people would keep friends for their money. Didn’t those kinds of people just exist on TV drama shows? November 3, someone had broken in my car window to steal my bag in the middle of the afternoon along a very busy street. This made the least sense of all—theft in broad daylight? What did I do to deserve 3 unfortunate, doesn’t-make-sense events one after the other? Under normal circumstances, I would have rebelled against GOD—I would have missed mass for 3 Sundays in a row, to exact payment for all 3 accounts. I would have picked a fight with everyone at home and in the office and be totally unapologetic about it because I had just been through hell, and so should they. But to my surprise, I felt cheerful despite everything that had happened; I felt consoled. I didn’t feel angry or hurt, not even forgotten. My initial thoughts after that weekend was, “I’ve been through some worse situations before and God has always been there to console me. This is no different from that. I know that even in my smallest concerns, God is already there, as He is already here.”

I also have a new way of looking at things. There’s more clarity in differentiating right from wrong. From rationalizing my porn addiction to just accepting the fact that it is morally wrong, I now realize that life can continue without pornography. I can survive a week without watching or reading anything pornographic. With His grace, it is possible to fight the urge and the temptation. Similarly, my style of humor and my brand of “FUN” has also changed. I’ve now made a conscious effort not to make fun of people because I know it isn’t pleasing to God. I challenged myself to find new “material” for me to channel my humor, and I’ve found it. I’ve found humor in sharing with others my day to day experiences with God. Really, He has provided me with so much material, I can’t help but share these anecdotes and God-jokes with others (like the time I had to hear mass outside the church and it started to rain, so I asked God to make the rain stop, and instead he sent another mass goer with a huge golf umbrella to stand beside me, keeping me dry unintentionally!). I certainly didn’t expect God to have a sense of humor, but I’m glad it is something we share.

Externally, people may not see any drastic changes in my life, but in my heart, I know the Lord has done, is doing, so many things. I am no longer content with okay, now that I know that a life with God holds so much more in store for me, both in this life and in the life to come.

Worship is not complete without thanksgiving. Having adored God, confessed our sinfulness and received His mercy, we have a lot to be thankful for. It is one thing to praise Him for His goodness, and another to thank Him for the goodness He has shown us. By virtue of gratitude we acknowledge that God is great and good to us, that we benefit from His love, mercy and kindness, that apart from Him we can do nothing.

By praying in the spirit of gratitude, we are made aware of His saving grace, faithful love and infinite mercy even in the little things. When we realize what God has done and all that Jesus had gone through for our sake, how can we not be moved? Gratitude towards God does not end in saying “Thank You”. Heartfelt gratitude compels us to do something for Him (through Him, with Him and in Him). This is where offering comes in. We ask ourselves, as the Psalmist did, “What shall I render to the Lord for all the good He has shown me?” (Psalms 116:12)

Every event or need can be an offering of thanksgiving, even trials and hardship. In charismatic worship, a song that ministers to the broken and hurting may be sung and still come out as thanksgiving because being grateful allows us to see the silver lining. Even if we are mourning or struggling, we can praise God and be thankful because we know we will overcome, and we have hope in Christ’s resurrection. St. Paul says:

Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving; (Colossians 4:2 NASB)

In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:18 NASB)

Indebtedness is profound gratitude of someone who has been forgiven much. How do we express our gratitude? We can learn from the woman who washed Jesus’ feet with her tears, wiped them with her hair, and anointed them with expensive perfume out of deep gratitude.

Turning toward the woman, He said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has wet My feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You gave Me no kiss; but she, since the time I came in, has not ceased to kiss My feet. You did not anoint My head with oil, but she anointed My feet with perfume. For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little.” (Luke 7:44-47 NASB)

Pope Francis said, “Only we big sinners have this grace of knowing what it really means to be saved.” We have been forgiven much and we must express our gratitude, translating it to love, and our love to action.

BE THE BIGGEST INFLUENCE IN YOUR KIDS’ LIVES
Mina Mejia

Train up a child in the way he should go, And even when he is old he will not depart from it. – Proverbs 22: 6

I am a mother of three girls: Sam (11 years old), Alex (9 years old) and Dani (7 years old).  We have been homeschooling for 4 years already.  Our list of reasons for homeschooling has grown year after year.  But one reason stands out above all the others.  We want to be the biggest influence in our children’s spiritual growth.

We often get questions like “What about socialization?”  “How do you know they excel in academics?”  “How do they learn to compete if they don’t get to join quiz bees and math competitions?”   Idealistic as it may sound, my husband and I agree that the answer to all these questions is Proverbs 22:6.

One of Merriam Webster’s definitions of train is to teach so as to make fit.

Fit for what?

To acquire the latest gadgets so that they fit in their group of friends?

To do math drills day and night to ace their tests?

To enrol in endless extra-curricular activities to supplement their learning in school?

There is nothing wrong with the points mentioned above.  But Solomon’s verse speaks of a higher training… which for me is to train our children to follow the Lord’s plans for them and with His grace, not depart from it.  As parents, I believe we are called to be the greatest impact on our children’s spiritual growth.  While children are a great blessing from the Lord, the proper training of them can indeed be a challenge.

We try our best to instill in our children the love for God and love for neighbor.  We believe that if they learn to love the Lord and learn to serve and offer what they do to Him, this would be their motivation to be the best He has created them to be.  Learning to love their neighbor would instill in them virtues that would enable them to interact with others not as dictated by the etiquette books but by God’s Word which commands them to love others as they love themselves.

I am not convincing everyone to homeschool to be able to influence their children.  I have known a lot of children who has gone through traditional schooling and yet grew up to be God-fearing people.  But I know for a fact that it is mainly because their parents played a major role in their spiritual growth.  Acknowledging that we have full responsibility is the very first and biggest step.  We cannot just to rely on the Catholic teaching of the schools where they are enrolled.  We have to be more directly involved in teaching our faith to our children.  Reading through their religion textbooks with them not just to memorize terms but to revisit our Catholic doctrines; reading the Bible and seeing God’s Words come alive in our lives; receiving the sacraments with our children allows us to grow in faith with them.

The pull and influence of the outside world is strong, but it is up to us if we want our influence to be stronger.  It is up to us to lay a strong foundation of their faith.  We do not claim to be the best teacher for our children.  After all, we are only human and we are imperfect.  Our children see how we struggle in our faith and at times how we lose our patience while we are teaching them to share with their siblings.  But my husband and I acknowledge our weaknesses to them and that we draw our strength from our Lord.  Someday, we their imperfect parents may no longer be around to train them, but I take comfort in knowing that they will always have a perfect Heavenly Father who will always be there guiding them .

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HOLD ON, YOUTH
Trixie Andres

It is stereotypical to assume that when one is too attached to his youth, he is childish. More so immature. Someone who cannot grow up and face a handful of what they pertain to as “serious” responsibilities, someone who still does not know what or who to be or maybe someone who is not yet ready to take on the difficulties of the “real world.”

But who says there is anything wrong with that? Many just seem to confuse being childish to being childlike; mistaking curiosity for peskiness or the sense of adventure for recklessness. But that’s okay. Understanding and differentiating the two can be a challenge. I, for one, am not even sure if my actions speak these or otherwise.

They say that growing older is inevitable. But growing up is a choice. As the numbers go higher and higher, it starts to take its toll on some who choose to neglect the innocent, pure and natural child in them. Maturing quickly is the only option so that they can fully live. But when pressure instead of passion takes over, when reality becomes a reason for many to stop dreaming, that’s when it leads to being childish. They forget.

So, does that mean being youthful is equivalent to being childish? No. It is being childlike. It is having the courage to acknowledge the inner child in you – no anxiety in admitting you cannot do it all, in showing weakness, in saying “I am not yet ready” or “I can’t do it alone” because God said to ask and you shall receive, to seek Him and you will find, to come to Him and He will give you rest. It is carefree living without the fear of being wrong, because He said nothing is perfect other than His love. It is believing in happy endings, because He promised eternal life. It is doing what you love. It is working towards a goal with compassion as opposed to doing it for an incentive, because with Him you are already rewarded. It is expressing and being true to oneself, because in God’s eyes, we are bare. He is all knowing.

Being a part of a Catholic community, I have learned that God has called each one to maintain that childlike quality, to have even just a tiny bit of youth in them. That it is okay to do these even long after the numbers have gone up. The fear of living, growing older or leaving behind childhood is now out of the picture because I know that by holding on to God, I can always hold on to my youth.

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AT THE PLEASURE OF MY COMMANDER
MM Sillona

It all started when I was hit pretty hard, even blindsided, by a rather bad case of “Singles Awareness Day”. Valentine’s Day has long since passed and the last wedding I went to was months ago, and yet there I was crumbling into the singlehood blues for no apparent reason. All of a sudden, the people I met walking in the streets were all in pairs and every song being played on the radio were cheesy love songs. I found myself sinking into depression over something that I thought I have already offered up to God. I have committed myself to live blessedly single for God more than a year ago, but still, there I was longing for a husband and family.

This longing for my own family greatly confused me and confuses me still. More than a year ago, almost immediately after I committed myself to God, I find myself crushing over a guy to such an extent that I haven’t experienced since high school. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work out and nothing came out of that crush, but God was with me for every single moment. As soon as it hit me, I was talking to Him about him. And it was through him (my crush) the He (God) helped me to discern what marriage and family is really all about. All my doubts, qualms and even violent reactions (I had plenty) on marriage, He helped me go through them almost methodically until all questions were answered and all violent reactions were quelled. I think it was then that I began to hope for a family of my own. But more than my hope, I longed that His will be done in my life, back then at least.

Back to the very recent past and there I was feeling sorry for myself because of my singlehood. I felt so low that I began lashing out at God. I threw question after question at Him. What is it You really want from me? Do You want me to stay single? If You wanted me to stay single, then why build this hope in me for a family? Do You want me to get married? To have a family of my own? Then when? Where is he? How long must I wait? I’m turning 30, it’s not like I have the luxury of time. When?

It was when my anger has completely exhausted me when I started asking God: What is it You want me to do? What is my mission? Tell me. I need You to tell me.

He said, “Be my soldier.”

A soldier needs to always stay sharp, to always be prepared because a mission can come at any time. God was telling me to stay true to my Spiritual habits (“training”) so that when He calls, just as He called Ananaias on the mission to heal St. Paul, then I would also be ready for any mission.

As much as a soldier needs to train, he/she must also train others. Battles in history have never been won by a lone soldier, and I don’t think the war for souls is any different. Especially not when Jesus essentially called open war against Satan when He died on the cross. He (God) has conscripted me into His army, and part of my mission is to conscript others.

I think His most important point was that a soldier serves at the pleasure of the Commander. Where the Commander says the soldier is needed, then there the soldier will go. When the Commander says that it is time to pack up and move elsewhere, then that is what the soldier will do. My Commander, my God, has asked me to stay blessedly single because He needs me to be blessedly single at this point in time and at this point in my life. If or when the time comes that my Commander says that it’s time to move from singlehood to marriage, then and only then will it be the right time and the right point in my life to move on to my next assignment. In all my self-pity I forgot that I was serving at the pleasure of my Commander. And my Commanders orders have always been for my own benefit. He has never failed me and I was truly sorry to doubt His will for me.

Therefore, I need to train, that is, keep up with my Spiritual habits. I need to train others: I need to fish and keep up with my shared me. Most importantly, I need to remember that I serve at the pleasure of my Commander and my Commander, my God, my Love, will lead me, as He always has, to where I could do the most good.

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LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION
Rhodette Gamba

I am a single mom of 3 kids and have been separated from my husband for 5 years already. Our marriage is not yet annulled, therefore, as both the civil and Church laws require, I cannot have a relationship with another man. However, sometimes (or most of the times) men of all ages and status think that single moms can be easy targets. They think we are so needy that we can easily fall into their ploy.

But I must admit that they are right sometimes. There can be moments when I wish someone would take care of me instead of just me taking care of everyone else on my own. And during those moments I can really be very vulnerable to temptations.

Being in the community for more than 3 years already, I have learned ways to win against temptations. Let me share them with you.

1) Avoid places, people, and things that tempt you. Flee from temptations. As our community leader would always tell us, in fighting temptations, underestimate yourself. Don’t think you can face it and have the strength to fight it. Joseph (the dreamer) can be a model because he ran away from Potiphar’s wife when she tried to seduce him (Genesis 39:11-12).

2) When temptation hits, pray that He will show you the way to escape. As he promised in 1 Cor. 10:13, with any trial or test He will provide you with a way out. If you ask for His help, don’t be surprised to receive a call from your mom or children asking you to fetch them while you are in the middle of deciding to entertain the temptation.

3) Equip yourself with God’s words and memorize them (Matthew 5-7, the 10 commandments, and letter of St. Paul). Even Jesus was using scriptures to fight the temptations of the devil when He was in the dessert (Matthew 4:1-11).

4) Be reminded that sin always has bad consequences. Remember those bad feelings, those bad circumstances in the past which were consequences of your sins. I am sure Adam and Eve have learned their lessons.

5) Recognize the danger of the “second look”. When King David accidentally saw Bathsheba taking a bath, he had not sin yet. The sin started when he kept watching making the desire finds its way in the heart of David (2 Samuel 11).

6) Picture in your mind Christ suffering on the cross for that specific sin which tempts you. Imagine Him being nailed on the cross over and over again when you continue to sin. “Christ himself carried our sins in his body to the cross, so that he we might die to sin and live for righteousness.” (1 Peter 2:24a)

7) Confess to someone who genuinely wants to help you change and be accountable to him. We do this in the single-parents ministry. We share to each other our struggles against sin and that makes us feel accountable to them. In return, we get the support and encouragements and prayers to fight temptations.

I know it is hard to fight temptations, but letting go of the peace that comes from God in exchange for temporary happiness is really not worth it. I know. I’ve been there and done that.

“Happy is the man who doesn’t give in and do wrong when he is tempted, for afterwards, he will get as his reward the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.” (James 1:12)

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MY “BESTEST” FRIEND
Dindin Nuyles

“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thought nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.” -George Eliot

This is how I feel when I am with my husband Noy. He is my “bestest” friend. When I am with him, I do not have to pretend that I am happy when I am actually broken inside. I can just be.

It was not always this way. Although we have been a couple for twenty-six years and married for nineteen years, not a day passes when we do not “work on our relationship.” There’s always something new to learn or talk or laugh or argue about. True, by now, I have discovered all his hidden weaknesses and idiosyncrasies. He is certainly not Superman neither will he change to be one. Funny but I have learned to embrace him, faults and all. Now it’s more difficult to sleep without his loud snore. It’s not fun to have dinner without someone to reason with. In a sense, arguing about future plans is still better because that is when he makes me feel how involved he is in our future. I would have him no other way. Without the imperfections – he will not be the same “bestest” friend whom I have known more than half my lifetime.

Looking back, it’s not the number of years we spent together that did it. More than the constant togetherness, we grew together in our faith. We joined a community two years after we got married. After ten years, an unfortunate turn of events led us away from community. It was our worst year. Where before we would be together every Friday for worship, during this year, we started to have separate night-outs with different groups. We were slowly but surely growing apart. Don’t get me wrong. Noy and I have our separate interests and passions in life. We also have our own sets of friends. But when we lost our spiritual support it was debilitating.

It has been almost five years since we have decided to be in a community again. Through Cana, Living Hope’s ministry for married couples and individuals, we are able to serve as a couple. God paved the way. God steered my “bestest” friend and I back home.

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FINDING MY WAY HOME
Danica Caynap

I grew up not knowing my real father. I knew he was alive, yes, but the fact that he chose to leave me and my Mom became a compelling reason for me not to dwell on his absence. If it weren’t for my grandmother, who insisted that I should meet him at least once in my life, I probably would have grown up never having seen or talked to my father. She brought me to Manila from Bulacan onboard a bus. To this day, I can still picture him standing by the doorway of this big conference room, awkwardly eyeing me in between furtive glances at the floor. Probably lost as to what to say, he offered me food and I instantly blurted out “spaghetti,” thinking it would be the sweet, Pinoy-style pasta of Jollibee. Instead, they served me the sour, herby kind with meatballs. I developed an aversion to spaghetti after that. The taste and smell of genuine Italian pasta would always bring me back to that day, a day I consciously tried to forget.

When I think about it now, it wasn’t anger or resentment that I felt towards my father, but rather a cold indifference to him and the idea of fathers in general. I never asked about him, even when I’d feel a pang of jealousy when I saw my classmates being picked up by their dads from school. Even as I wondered what it would have been like to be held by a father as I rode my first bike, to be embraced in a big bear hug after receiving a star in school, or even to be reprimanded with a stern hand for being hardheaded and naughty. I wondered, but I never allowed myself to dwell on the “what if,” and trained myself to just act on the “what now.” Not having a father around was just something I needed to get used to–I was scared to yearn or wish for one, lest I end up getting left behind again. In the same way, I never saw God as a Father because I felt I didn’t know how to relate with one. I saw God as powerful, omnipresent and, if need be, wrathful; it was difficult to imagine Him as loving or merciful.

This feeling was magnified even more when I experienced death in our family early on in my life. At age 7, I lost my grandmother to a tragic car accident. On her way to attend a funeral one afternoon, a school bus hit her, killing her almost instantly. All at once, I had lost the only family I had known apart from my mom. I had no choice but to move to Manila to start a new chapter with my mom and stepdad. By all accounts, this should have been seen as a fresh beginning for me–I finally had a complete family! But I couldn’t seem to let go of my disordered perception of fathers. In my head, I knew I ought to be grateful to have my stepdad’s love, support and acceptance, but still I would always find something wrong or tell myself that something was missing. I would blame him for not being affectionate or expressive enough of his love. I even resented my Mom for starting a new family and a new career because I felt these were stealing her attention from me. Instead of dealing with my issues at home, I instead sought attention and recognition elsewhere. I began focusing all my energy in becoming independent and striving to be the best in everything I did so that I didn’t have to rely on my family for recognition or support. I believed that if I had total control over my life, I wouldn’t need anybody. And if I didn’t need anybody, I couldn’t get hurt when they eventually left me. In my effort to distance myself, I didn’t realize that I was pushing away the love of the only family I had.

By the time I realized the error of my ways, it was too late. In April 2011, my stepdad lost his battle with cancer. And for the second time, I had lost a father. Up to the day that he died, every single day that he suffered, I told myself I needn’t be affected because “we were never really close.” But when we lost him, I couldn’t explain why I felt like a part of me died as well. I felt deep remorse for all those years that I ignored all his efforts to reach out to me in his own little way. I didn’t know how to deal with the pain until I joined the Road to Damascus retreat months later, where I was able to finally ask for forgiveness for everything I had tried to run away from in the past. It was the beginning of my journey to healing for me and my family. I immediately moved back home after having lived independently for almost two years. I began spending a lot of time with family, appreciating again their presence, learning to embrace all their, our, imperfections and finally feeling like I belonged.

It was also during this time of healing that my biological father contacted me for the first time in 27 years. In a Twitter message he sent one September evening, he expressed his desire to reconnect and open our communication lines, if I would allow it. I tried to ignore this at first, choosing to let my pride take over me. But after 3 weeks, I knew there was no point in trying to ignore this desire to get to know him, too. In my heart, I knew God had been preparing me for this moment, opening my eyes to value family and relationships. Finally, I was ready to have a father in my life. Even today, we still exchange simple conversations over email, almost as if all those years of not knowing him never existed. By God’s grace, all my bitterness and resentment, and indifference, have melted away. All I feel now is gratitude for this chance I’ve been given to know him, to answer all the questions I’ve always had about who I am. It’s amazing to discover the many things we have in common, like a big piece of my being finally makes sense, has finally found its place. I have never experienced such a strong emotional connection with anyone–a guardian who is so eager to find out about all my aspirations and dreams, who willingly supports them and most of all, prays with me. Amazingly, of all the things we could develop as father and daughter, it is becoming prayer partners that has come as the biggest surprise.

My newfound relationship with him has also shifted the way I communicate with God–for the first time, I now openly call Him my Father, sincerely believing and understanding what this means. I now look to Him as my protector and my guide, trusting Him completely for I believe He knows best. I have learned that I cannot go through life doing things on my own, and that this is a good thing, because He is always ever ready to help me. After losing both my fathers, I never thought I’d find so much joy in finding an Eternal One.

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Asking forgiveness through contrition is the prerequisite for worshiping our Lord.

Isaiah’s reaction upon seeing the Lord captures the movement from adoration to contrition.

I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, lofty and exalted, with the train of His robe filling the temple. And the foundations of the thresholds trembled at the voice of him who called out, while the temple was filling with smoke. Then I said, “Woe is me, for I am ruined! Because I am a man of unclean lips, And I live among a people of unclean lips; For my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts.” Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a burning coal in his hand, which he had taken from the altar with tongs. He touched my mouth with it and said, “Behold, this has touched your lips; and your iniquity is taken away and your sin is forgiven.” (Isaiah 6:1, 4-7 NASB)

When we behold the Lord in adoration, when we have seen Holy, we realize our nothingness and sinfulness next to His majesty and holiness. So, it follows that the second act of worship is contrition. Contrition is when we feel sorrow and abhorrence for our sins (and resolve to not sin). This sorrow and detestation arise from adoring Him – loving God above all else and fearing to be separated from His love.

When we acknowledge our sinfulness in communal worship, we confess – not disclosing our sins specifically as we do in the Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation, we do that in another venue through personal confession and individual absolution of sins by a priest – but we make a communal confession in a sense that we acknowledge God’s holiness and His mercy, and in doing so, praise Him who is Holy and Mercy. That said, the tangible expression of the absolution of our sins and our reconciliation with God and the Church is Confession (the Sacrament). So, if we really want to worship Him with pure hearts, we ought to go to confession often.

The communal confession in charismatic worship can be done in a number of ways. The worship leader can read from Scripture to elicit a contrite response, or lead the prayer for pardon, or invite us to speak as we appeal to God’s mercy before we sing a song of love and forgiveness. What is beautiful here is that we not only confess God’s holiness in contrast to our sinfulness, we also pray for each other that the Lord may have mercy on us. However it is done, we must approach the throne of grace with humility and contrite hearts, just as the tax collector did.

But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’ I tell you, this man went to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.” (Luke 18:13, 14 NASB)